He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
