so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
