Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Randomize
