hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
