She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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