So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
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