when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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