Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
