Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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