I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
