M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
