Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
