I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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