I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize