Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
