...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
