Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
You are a genius and a whore.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
