You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I could make wine with my vomit
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
