wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
