dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
im having a threesome with these popsicles
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
