I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize