I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
