You smell like a Billy Joel song
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
well most of my day revolves around power hour
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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