so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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