my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
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Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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