so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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