So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
