Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
