Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
