Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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