At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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