I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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