My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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