What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
