that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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