Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
