Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
