Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Damn victory sex feels great
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
