My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Randomize