I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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