hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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