Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
