Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
