I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Randomize
