dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
