is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
