Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
