I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Randomize
