dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
