Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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