singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Just invented taco cereal.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Every concussion has its silver lining
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
