How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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