there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
