I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
