that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
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Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
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I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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