I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
