Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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