It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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