and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
