I don't usually arrange sex via text message
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize