and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
